Last time was the last time
Drama was my past time
Disrespected me missed out on a good wife
Too much ego
You just ain’t go’n get right
I ain’t the one to break down & lose it all
Stop offering me water
I saw you fall
Treat me right & I’ll have mercy
Dang skippy I’m thirsty
Just not from your nightstand
Keep messing around with my heart
I’m gone find me a white man
Yeah the Queen is sleepy
Stay confidently humble
Everybody needs me
Ran from your commitment like Flojo
Intuition is something else
You was messing with my mojo
To you my womb is like a shackle
I own the keys. I own the throne
Ain’t no king in this castle
Wandering soul on a journey
I ain’t got no home
I’m a free woman
But when he comes ooh wee
Ain’t nothing we can’t do
I want to witness the transfiguration
See the world from a better view
That’s why the guardians keep me away from you
I don’t play second
I don’t plan to hide
I will see my king
I will be his bride
This star is everlasting
That’s why I keep on shining
I survived to tell the story
Saved to tell world
About my Savior & His glory
Its really not about me
Alter ego on a page
The players keep on changing
This is the last phase
Look deeper than the surface
I was designed to rule the world
Continuing God’s story is my purpose
Ooooohhh I Know I Started Something
Y’all I’m just gonna say this & be real. I’m a Black girl. Have been since the day I was born. But that’s not how I identify myself first? I know what your thinking. Uh oh this girl has self-hate issues. No. Let me explain. First I identify as a child of God. Then I identify as human. Next I identify as a girl. Sorry woman I’m grown though people try to act like I’m not. Then I identify as black.
The world looks at me & sees Black. They should because I am. I grew up in a place where I personally had very few issues regarding race. Every once in a while racism would show up, but I got the usual oh that’s JaNelle she’s cool. And it was usually squashed. It took me 35 years to find out …. Um yeah on with what I was saying.
So I have always been proud of being Black. But as I got older I started to ask questions & found out like millions of other Black people we had Native American relatives. Light bulbs started going off & I realized I had a few more “things in me” than Native American. A lot more. So do a lot of us. But that’s not what this is about. This all started because I was blessed to have at least 100 years of ancestors in my life. I was simply proud to know ‘em.
I didn’t know what I was about to start. I simply wanted to know how far back I could go. So I wasn’t looking for how Black I wasn’t. I was looking for people. History. Maybe I could see myself in a face I would never meet from generations ago. Long lost cousins, aunts, and uncles.
There is no reason for me to deny who I am. There are people who never met me who welcome me with open arms. Its almost like they were waiting for me to find them. So y’all can talk about this, that, & the other, I’m talking about family. I don’t care what race they are. If they Love me & accept me the Love is returned. In a world that’s so he’ll bent on holding me back I hold on to good people & hold on tight. We can worry about race later. Like every 10 years when we fill out the census. That’s how I found many of the names I’ll never be able to put a face to. There is still comfort in knowing they existed & that is who I came from.
I have no interest in being political correct. I want to be real. REAL. With all my flubs, flaws, & gaffes. I learn as I go. I grow. Finding my ancestors has helped me plan my future.
God gave us free will for a reason. Every person has the right to choose to do right or wrong. Go left or right. To grow or remain stagnant. To run or stand firm. So this law that goes into effect here in Texas really concerns me.
As a victim of rape & abuse I’m appalled at the message lawmakers & government officials are sending young girls. If a woman is raped she first she has to fight off the social stigma if she can get over being traumatized. Me I was lucky. I didn’t know I was being raped. I was given what they call a Molly. I didn’t find out until years later when apparently a tape of my assault was released. So in a way I’m grateful to my attackers for that. Next step.
Now this woman has to stand up to her attackers. There isn’t only a social stigma of rape. There is also a very real threat you face from your attacker. They obviously have to respect for you (that’s probably women in general but hey you can’t read everybody’s mind right?). A person who will rape you has no problem harming you physically. They only want to keep you quiet. Speak up & your life could be in danger. It takes a brave soul to be able to look past that kind of danger.
After the authorities decide if charges should be pressed the fight begins. Now you have to keep in mind that if no charges are pressed it doesn’t mean that it’s not true. It just means there is another victim in the attacker’s future. Next time he’ll be smarter because he knows what the police are looking for. He knows how to cover it up.
Ok. She can take the pressure. Now she has to endure a trial & manage to keep her composure while looking at her attacker every day. Having strangers blame her for a man or group of men not being able to control themselves. No wait. They’re blaming her for their lack of respect for human life.
During this trial the woman finds out she is pregnant. More stress. REAL STRESS. Nice story isn’t it?
What’s my point? My point is that as it stands right now this could happen in Texas. No doubt it is thousands of times every day. At the end of the day the woman would have a difficult time finding a doctor to give her an abortion. I Love Texas, but this law is backwards & wrong. People are so worried about the respect for life that they forget to respect this woman who is forced to give life. Welfare & food stamps are being cut. How does this woman support a child on her own? An unwanted child whose precious mind & body are being created on a physical, emotional, & spiritual wreck. People complain about the poor being able to having babies without being able to afford them, but that’s exactly what you created. Its vicious circle almost impossible to get out of.
Maybe that’s the idea. Keep them poor so they can’t have children. Or keep them poor so they will continue to have poor children who will be forced to work for little to nothing. Keep them sick to control the population. If they die oh well they should’ve worked harder to afford insurance. (Hello Obamacare - socialism or human decency?) Think about what you’re doing. Think about what I said. The abortion right is not just about the fetus. There is a MUCH bigger picture.
No God doesn’t make mistakes, but he did destroy what he created because he didn’t like that it turned out evil. Remember Noah & the Arc? Don’t believe me its in the Bible. Genesis 6:5-6;7 Case closed. No I’m not an abortion right activist or a right to lifer. I’m all about living in the full promise & purpose of God. Be blessed today world.
She should let God take up her slack & move on with her life. Take time to feel though. Trust me. Its so much better.
Bitter Doesn’t Wear Pink (even though I’m wearing silver & gold)
Ok ladies I have a serious topic to discuss with you. Jealousy, cattiness, & just downright foolish behavior. Why?! As an grown woman, or man, you should have NO time to fool with a fool. Let me repeat. You should have no time to fool with a fool. Uh oh. My Mawmaw would have a serious problem with me saying that word! Anyway, I have a serious problem with people who want to fight with you because they are a) bored b) the spawn of satan c) have the I.Q. & mental attitude of a 12 year old d) all of the above. Find something constructive to do.
What does that mean? People who are on their way down, spiritually or otherwise, have a way of latching onto those who are going in the opposite direction. See the signs & let it be. NEVER give people the satisfaction of stealing your joy. I’ve said it before: they can steal your money, they can steal your car, they can steal your possessions, they can try to steal your right to say no. They can’t steal YOU. That’s the only thing God gave you no one can ever take from you. They can try, but trust they won’t be able to accomplish it. So don’t be anything but you. Ok?!
If you change over time, that’s called evolution. You should live your life in a constant state of change. Stop changing, or as I like to call it ” GROWING”, & find yourself in a box 6 feet under. Understood? Good.
What am I getting at? I have been done wrong by just about every person you can think of. Am I going to stop living? No. Though just about every trick know the book has been used to change the status of my vitals. Why?! Because I have a great life. Other people want it. I’m just that blessed…….. And I know it. So what do I do when haters come along? Consider the source. Process. Use better judgement. Keep it moving.
It is what it is. Now I started this for the ladies. Stop fighting over a man. It’s stupid. Yeah, I called you stupid. You know why?! He’s the problem. If you’re involved & you find out he’s cheating on you leave it be. He has no respect for you or women as a whole. Let it go. Find a man who knows your worth. If he realizes it too late, be the woman Elijah Blake sings about. That’s such a better feeling. There is no competition. If you got the man, be with the man & be happy. If your worried about the “competition” you already know you lost. Why? You know where his heart is. Like I said be the woman Elijah Blake sings about.
I happen to think that your self worth is far more valuable than clinging to a relationship only one of you is in. If every man you EVER dated cheated on you don’t feed into the angry Black woman stereotype. Whoa. Back it up. Don’t feed into the angry woman stereotype. His loss. Men are greedy. He says you’re a nag. Good. You have standards. He says you’re cold. Good. That’s his wye to ask you why you don’t respond anymore. He says you don’t appreciate him. Be smart. A good man that Loves his woman should NEVER have a complaint……if she’s a good woman. (That doesn’t mean she’s a doormat. That means they take care of each other.) Maybe he’s not treating you right. What am I saying? Leave the zeroes. Find a hero. Be happy. Oh yeah…. Find the shade of pink that works for you!
Your life’s journey is a guarantee
The destination is a question
My life is about me
Your time in it is part of my lesson
The journey is not all about fun
The hard part for me?
Choosing my +1
My life is valuable
My heart IS NOT your career’s cornerstone
Men like that are why I’m alone
No longer looking for potential
I want the man that is
I need a man who will play his part
Some day I know he’ll come
To claim my heart
Then the real work will begin
Him me together?
There’s nothing we can’t win
I’ll see it when he looks into my eyes
There’s no question
Yes! I’m the prize
From then on the journey will be not where are we going
But how long we’ll be gone
A Semi-Long Walk
I’m walking, yes I know the destination to this journey, I was thinking about history. Slavery is something that has existed almost as long as the time fire was stolen. Okay that’s a literary joke. Look it up. But there is no reason in The United States, or anywhere really, in 2013 for people to hate others for being different. There is no need to deny the fact that many slaves took on the names of their masters. So there are many Black Americans who carry the blood of their masters & many more who carry the name.
Know what I hate? That even now Black Americans segregate themselves because of it. We hate each other & we hate other cultures because of it. Let that go. Stop giving fuel to those who hate you back. God is Love. So that’s where I live. Beautifully designed by Him. Love y’all!
LOVE is LOVE
You can’t fake it
That man missed his chance
He thought he had my heart
He thought he sealed it with that dance
The answer is NO
He’s not you
He doesn’t have any power for me
I don’t care how many lies he tells
He try to force his way back into my life
Decades ago he made a choice
I cut him off
He will NEVER again hear my voice
If I cross the line it will be with you
If I sail the seas it will be with you
My American boy & I are the same
I take matrimony seriously
When I do it for the first time
It will be just him & me
Until I find a man who will take
His vows as sacredly as I will
I thought of you today
I searched for song that make me think of you
Smiled & hit play
When I think of all the distance
My heart starts to sink
Maybe you’re closer than I know
Closer than I think
I let go I know I did
I moved on
Mentally preparing myself
For life without you
I refuse to settle
For a Love that’s less than I deserve
It seems like forever
Since you & I have been together
You may be gone, but I can’t forget you
Not gonna take over my mind
I ain’t gonna let you
I haven’t heard your voice in about 400 days
I’m feeling all sorts of things
Have we really gone our separate ways
You have taken all that I have
Almost took my life
In spite of all I gave
I wanted to be your wife
I have to keep moving because my world is bigger than you
The Love was deep
I think I gave my soul to you
But fun was what you wanted
I waited & am chaste
Oh, yes we did happen fast
If you’ve moved on
The memories will last
It’s supposed to be you that reflects me
You’re supposed to protect my heart
Not be its worst enemy
We’ve hurt each other deeply
is the divide too big to get across
We gambled with Love
It seems we may have lost
Other men chase
They try to block you & I
I don’t know what to think
Because of all the lies
I know you were doubtful
I was too, with good cause
Too many people in our relationship
It should’ve been just me & you
All theses people trying to break us up
God has sent us messages
I think He wants to wake us up!
Time will tell
God may send me a greater Love
I refuse to accept those unworthy
I won’t accept Love’s impostors
I’m sending you my heart in roses
Sent on the wings of a dove
I’m waiting for my Solomon
You can call me Sheba
Though I’ll stay
I’ll be his ONLY woman
To Love we’ll both be slaves
I don’t want him writing sad songs After I walk away
Because royalty knows no limits
The bells are ringing
I’ve lost my slipper
It’s midnight in the garden
I didn’t run from all the evil
My heart’s light is bright enough
To protect me & say I have no equal
Loves flames are eternal
My heart provides the oil
My lamp stays put & does not chase
Follow the light
I have the key to set you free
I am no man’s property
You have to see the TRUE value in me
Writing this with Love
Nossas almas vão viajar juntos
Наши души будут путешествовать вместе
Animis nostris iam unum
One more thing, there can be no jealousy where there is no Love. Don’t be jealous. Use that energy to create a better life for yourself. God didn’t create you for your joy to be broken or stolen. That is all. Carry on! 0;-P
I would like to thank my REAL TRUE friends old & new for trying to protect me from predators I never knew I had. I keep going because of you. I LOVE you all. Gotta go cry now, sometimes y’all touch me at just the right time. I will KEEP my high standards. Anyone who puts my life in danger is not IN LOVE with me or my friend. If someone loses something because of something illegal, immoral, or unethical THEY did to you STICK to YOUR standards. You did nothing wrong for telling the truth & trying to live your life the right way. Their failings are NOT yours. I say NO because of you too. Be blessed.
Love Yourself - Ignore Ignorance <3
Today I was compelled to write a to y’all about eating disorders. It is known that you can PERMANENTLY damage your internal organs by taking too many laxatives. Don’t do it on a regular basis. The good thing is that it would take years of abuse to do any real damage. *Though I would also say you should be careful of abuse by people who work in kitchens at restaurants and think its funny to put it in your food. Especially if you already have a sensitive stomach - Some young people these days have a hard time thinking things through & have a hard time discerning reality from fantasy. That’s a different story back to what I wanted to say.*
I know that sometimes people can make you feel little. Well okay sometimes they try their darndest. Most people like that make you feel that way have issues themselves. Today I learned about Lucretia. Her story was heart breaking. That story gives you the fuel that you need to FIGHT to LOVE yourself. Don’t let some self-hating HYPOCRITE tell you you don’t Love yourself. They are so busy hating themselves & trying to mess you up the same way they messed themselves up that they don’t know the first thing about who you are. I say to you be strong. Remove yourself from those people. If you are being abused, bullied, shunned, talked about, have been abused, lied to, lied on, cheated on, raped, etc ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! The problem is not you. You may also want to draw on the story of St. Anthony. He was tormented by demons while in the wilderness trying to do God’s work. I would say if you are relentlessly pursued by people who have nothing better to do than to try to make you feel little to make themselves feel better. Pray and read about some of the other people of the church. I also learned about the legend of Pope Joan, but that doesn’t really fit into what I’m trying to say.
If you see your rapists face everyday you can tell them NO I won’t let you intimidate me. You may make me uncomfortable for a time being, but you don’t run anything here! Tell them who you are! I AM A CHILD OF GOD! I am more powerful than ANY hateful plan you have. My Heavenly Father wrote me a Love letter. 1 John 4:4 “You, dear children,are from God and have overcome them,because the one who is in youis greater than the one who is in the world.”
So I would say keep praying. Stay covered in God’s armor. Read the Bible. Tell your haters that they are only showing you how small they are in their own eyes because they are trying to pull you down. You only seem so big to them or sit so “high on your horse” because you are fortified with the Love & power of God.
No long drawn out post today babies. I only had an hour, but know that if no one else Loves you God does and I do. Be blessed.
Take Care World,
My LOVE I saw your face today
Started dreaming and got lost
You and I were meant to be together
Seems like at any cost
I can’t focus
The things people have done
To seperate us are inhumane and unjust
God made mankind from clay with His hands
He made you. He made me.
By His will there is always an us.
Any message. Any sign. Any road. Leads me to you.
There may be others who think they have a chance
They don’t. I won’t. Because all I see is you.
They reach. They offend.
I refuse. Write YOU a Love letter.
Kiss the screen and hit send.
You are me. I am we.
God’s perfect Love.
A dream come true.
Nothing Can Seperate You From Me, Us, We
LOL…. It seems there is only one person who is able to break my focus. Once I see you I will be able to focus again.
Okay people. My phone was stolen so no pics of me, but I can still write. BOY do I have a story to tell. Just wait until I get a new phone/camera. Haters can’t stop me. Be blessed.