Wrap dress: Express. Tank top: Old Navy. My pics will be coming fewer & farther between, but they won’t stop. If it goes longer than a week…….. Shoes coming in another pic.

Dear God: Please bless & protect those that bless & protect me. Thank you for sending them. Be a fence from those that wish to kidnap me & do me harm. Send provision. Continue to provide the strength, courage, & wisdom needed for the path I’m on. I ask for continued understanding to see things from more than my own perspective. I also ask for clarity to see things as they really are, not through my emotions. Increase my discernment. Heal the broken hearts, especially those who want to harm others, of all negative emotions & fill those spaces with Love, joy, & compassion. AMEN.

Everyone should have a line they draw in the sand. That line should be something you never cross. Desperation & morality don’t have to collide. Since I’ve learned I was being filmed without my knowledge by people I trusted my line is even more bold. What do I mean? Any man who believes he can film a girl in an uncompromising position without her knowledge should think of how he would react if it were his daughter, wife, sister, mother.

Where is your moral compass? No one should be able to force you into a life to support them. When you tell them no you mean no. I’ve said over & over, show me evil & I can’t stay. Exploitation is real. You are NOT a man if you knowingly exploit a woman. Know that women. If he tries to force you into a demeaning situation he does not care about you & he has a problem with respecting women. The need to control & strip you of your self-worth is a reflection of his own self esteem issues. His insecurity should not contaminate your life. Once you become involved with people like that its almost impossible to remove them from your life. Is it hard? Absolutely! But that type of behavior shows you a persons true character. Walk away. If they treat you that way you should know you deserve SO much better.

II Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
Keep that close to your heart. I’m not going to pinpoint what your belief should be. Just hold tight to it. That’s what abuse is all about. I need to control & manipulate you so I can exert power over you. KNOW YOUR WORTH! You’re NOT a piece of property. After a girl has been violated you start to feel dirty. You start to blame yourself. Why is it so hard to speak out?

Jeremiah 2:20-22 “For of old I have broken your yoke and burst your bonds; And you said, ‘I will not transgress,’ When on every high hill and under every green tree You lay down, playing the harlot. Yet I had planted you a noble vine, a seed of highest quality. How then have you turned before Me Into the degenerate plant of an alien vine? For though you wash yourself with lye, and use much soap, Yet your iniquity is marked before Me,” says the Lord God .

This gives people the right to say its your fault. You’re dirty & I couldn’t control myself because you were so attractive. After all its in the bible isn’t it? Yes, according to that scripture it is. Believe me it gets worse. I’m a Christian, but I will tell you that is no excuse or justification for abusing women. I’ve come across this:
Isaiah 58:6-8 “ Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness, To undo the heavy burdens, To let the oppressed go free, And that you break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out; When you see the naked, that you cover him, And not hide yourself from your own flesh? Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.

Powerful isn’t it? Read the rest of the chapter. Actually. Read the rest of the next 2 or 3. Does this mean that running game is in the bible? Read a different translation & possibly get a different meaning. I also came across the Nephilim. That requires more study.

Genesis 6:1-6 Now it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born to them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were beautiful; and they took wives for themselves of all whom they chose. And the Lord said, “My Spirit shall not strive with man forever, for he is indeed flesh; yet his days shall be one hundred and twenty years.” There were giants on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men and they bore children to them. Those were the mighty men who were of old, men of renown. Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart.

Does this support abortion? Not for it. Not against it. Just made me think. Yes. Life is precious. Even children of rape. But like I say if you’re going to be abusive you’re killing the child every day spiritually. I Love children. Someday I may be blessed with some. Oh what a tangled web. Read the next few verses. This preceded the story of Noah’s Arc. Sparked my interest. You look it up too.

Anyway, my point is don’t stay trapped. Get out while you can. Side tracked again. I came across www.biblestudy.org & found reference to Matthew 22:29-30. I kept reading & whoa! Reason for my attempted murder? Also made me think of Seven Wives For Seven Brothers. Check it out:

Matthew 22:23-46 The same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Him and asked Him, saying: “Teacher, Moses said that if a man dies, having no children, his brother shall marry his wife and raise up offspring for his brother. Now there were with us seven brothers. The first died after he had married, and having no offspring, left his wife to his brother. Likewise the second also, and the third, even to the seventh. Last of all the woman died also. Therefore, in the resurrection, whose wife of the seven will she be? For they all had her.” Jesus answered and said to them, “You are mistaken, not knowing the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels of God in heaven. But concerning the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was spoken to you by God, saying, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’ ? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.” And when the multitudes heard this, they were astonished at His teaching. But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” While the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them, saying, “What do you think about the Christ? Whose Son is He?” They said to Him, “ The Son of David.” He said to them, “How then does David in the Spirit call Him ‘Lord,’ saying: ‘The Lord said to my Lord, “Sit at My right hand, Till I make Your enemies Your footstool” ’ ? If David then calls Him ‘Lord,’ how is He his Son?” And no one was able to answer Him a word, nor from that day on did anyone dare question Him anymore.

Okay well anyway back to my original thoughts. Respect yourself! No matter what people say because no matter what God Loves you. Don’t allow hateful spirits into your space. Stay strong. Yep. Its all connected. I’m grateChurch this weekend. Thank you! I’m being shown so much. I’m discovering where I need to be. I’m greatful for ALL my teachers. Scratch that. I Loooooove my teachers.

Okay. I have to stop. There is a point/counterpoint to everything. Even in the Bible itself. My goodness. Lightbulb! They’re all teaching me! That’s why its important to read for yourself. Interpretation & translation are key your view. Bible verses can be used by anyone. Myself included. Truth often lies in what you refuse to see. Amen. (Emotional scars of trauma included. Blocked to protect yourself from the truth. Whew! Release! Never would’ve known.) Listen to wisdom, but have your own relationship with God. You may just find some interesting things when you ask questions & study with all eyes WIDE open. Be blessed world. God is Love. God is good.

Dear God: Please bless & protect those that bless & protect me. Thank you for sending them. Be a fence from those that wish to kidnap me & do me harm. Send provision. Continue to provide the strength, courage, & wisdom needed for the path I’m on. I ask for continued understanding to see things from more than my own perspective. I also ask for clarity to see things as they really are, not through my emotions. Increase my discernment. Heal the broken hearts, especially those who want to harm others, of all negative emotions & fill those spaces with Love, joy, & compassion. AMEN.

Abundance is on the way. Pray with me & for me. 0:-)

I’m going to post my prayer later in the morning, but first I want to express a few things. Do you know what makes a difference in a world full of pain? Love. Agape & eros. There are so many hurting people in the world that some can’t believe life is good. Misery Loves company……….or is it that misery doesn’t know any better? Romans 3:16 

Misery & hatred are like an untreated infection. It spreads & putrifies everything. Don’t let it infect you! The quality of your life is determined by how you handle them. Do you become part of the problem or part of the solution? Do you allow the ugliness to snare you in a lifelong trap of ugliness? Do you lose your hope? If your smart the answer is no.

No because you can’t let someone else’s pain become your own. Believe me. Its much heavier than you could imagine. Don’t let other people force their ugly view of life on you. All they are capable of seeing is darkness. Be the light. Job 11:16 I’ve been told the light shines brightest in the dark. So are you going to become the light or join the mass of darkness?

Explain darkness. Ok. Other people’s insecurity. Darkness. Other people’s lack of vision. Darkness. Other people’s jealous tendencies. Darkness. Other people’s poverty. Darkness. Other people’s self-destructive tendencies. Darkness. Darkness = negativity. I think you.get the point.

Its much easier to follow the crowd. Its much easier to join the masses. But what does that get you? Yes, it just may make life easier for the moment. How long until that moment is up & the darkness turns on you? Think about it. Its all consuming. Its self consuming. Cannibalistic? Does that make you feel safe? It should’t. If you become part of that problem count the moments. Your time is coming.

I’ve fought this fight. I still am. Don’t give in! Be yourself. Like the song says “This little light of mine I’m gonna let it shine.” If enough of the brave souls allow their light to shine they can ban together & overpower the darkness. The universe is expansive. Yes there are dark spots, but the stars break up the darkness. Heavenly bodies make the most beautiful pictures. Don’t believe me? Look it up.

How do you do that? Love yourself. Love other people. Know when to walk away. Know when to fight. Your life & your future are worth the fight. Shine your light! Don’t succumb. You never know who is watching. You could be that little piece of joy they cling to for survival. If we all band together nothing will ever be the same. Love is universal. 1 Corinthians 13 Don’t limit it with fear. Psalm 10:6

Dear God: Please bless & protect those that bless & protect me. Thank you for sending them. Be a fence from those that wish to kidnap me & do me harm. Send provision. Continue to provide the strength, courage, & wisdom needed for the path I’m on. I ask for continued understanding to see things from more than my own perspective. I also ask for clarity to see things as they really are, not through my emotions. Increase my discernment. Heal the broken hearts, especially those who want to harm others, of all negative emotions & fill those spaces with Love, joy, & compassion. AMEN.

Okay today I haven’t even turned on.the TV because I’m processing some things. This morning I prayed for some things. I have a lot of things that just aren’t right. Its hard to tell. Now I know its been MP all this time. Or was it his brother? Being around people for years doesn’t mean you really know them. I thought he was a safe good man. Never in a million years would I imagine he would turn out like this. I fell in #Love with who I thought he was. The monster behind the mask was so much worse. Masquerade indeed. Never get married to save yourself. Your rescuers may be worse than your present situation. I wasn’t looking for it, but as usual I prayed. God is answering. Be careful what you pray for! You may get it in a way you never expected. I was sick for trusting him too. See as a woman with my past its hard to discern exactly what a man wants from you. And women automatically go on the defense. I can’t have a male role model because anytime spent with an older man is a repeat of being molested. I didn’t know. My past is just that my past. You can’t acknowledge what you never knew existed. I enjoy spending time with anyone who can teach me. I’m a smart woman. I need to be around people who make me think. I never have & never will sleep my way to the top of anything. I’m not that girl. Never have been. Never will be. Even before those who wanted to destroy me twisted the facts of my past. I didn’t know. I couldn’t defend against those who hurt me. Your attacker attacks you as often as possible. Mentally. Spiritually. Physically. Financially. All to destroy the splendor of what God created in you. The devil is a lie & is behind all the foolishness. If it weren’t for my faith I would have lost my ever loving mind. Do y’all hear me? I should be crazy. But I ain’t. I should be a lot of things, but I ain’t. By the grace of God I ain’t! Now I know that I’m not a preacher. I’m not a prophet. What I AM is a real woman learning about my past & how my abusers have banded together to protect themselves. I had no clue. Now I have to find a church that welcomes me. I may have found one. I just have to watch first. This one is completely new to me. Like I said I’m a God seeker. God = truth.

Okay, I got a little distracted by that train of thought. Back to what I was saying. People spend so much time hating on you & telling you negative things about yourself that you almost start to believe it. Let me give you some examples. When I was a little girl we used to play house or doctor or whatever. I’m going to leave that we as ambiguous as possible. I’m speaking for & about me right now. Yes that kind of house & doctor. That was a sign. I just didn’t know it. Watch your kids. They may be screaming at high volumes without saying a word. Glory be to God. You either turn out like your environment or fight like hell to get away from it. I’m fighting. It may cost me my life, but the truth will be told. Because of that I unknowingly made decisions that rippled through the rest of my life. When people see you doing better & want to derail your progress be careful & wonder what’s behind it. Why is your being/doing well such a problem? Think! I repeatedly engaged in relationships that were not in my best interest. Female & male friendships. Male relationships. Many times. The best way for a predator to find his next victim is to be a friend, then make it so they depend on you. & you on them. Take heed.
Its not only men who are predatory. Women are too. I’ve been the victim of a bi-sexual predator. Same tactics. I ask for help, but each time the help is used against me. Stay away from negative people.

Okay another side thought, but hay that means I’m writing authentically & from my heart. People said I was a prostitute. Little did I know I was being drugged & raped while unconscious. People said I was a porn star. Little did I know cameras were installed without my knowledge or permission & I was being watched. People said I was gay. Little did I know my so called friend was planning to rape me too. It took years. She had to drug me, but yes eventually she got me too. Yep while I was unconscious. Every moment of my life on camera. I didn’t know. People said I was a child molester. That was sad. Because children were my heart. Still are. Hateful predatory people will isolate you & try to remove every thing that us you. So that when they get to you & kidnap you no one will know you’re gone. They can use you up & kill you. No one will care because they’ve taken it all! All because I refuse to have children with men who have hurt me. **Side note: Unconditional Love does not mean you can do whatever you want & you’ll be taken back. That’s another predatory trap. Unconditional Love would’ve kept you from hurting me on purpose. Its part of the process of breaking your spirit. Its much easier to abuse someone who is broken & has no self-worth** This my friends is an example of how pimps can infiltrate the good life of a church going, hard working, all-American girl. I still like to have fun. I’m not uptight. I just have to be careful. Find a girl with daddy issues & exploit it for all its worth. If they want you bad enough they’ll stop at nothing to destroy you so they can turn you out.

This last round was/is quite eventful. See I used to live on the fourth floor. It gave me a sense of security. A FALSE sense of security . I joked that anyone who broke into my fourth floor apartment was a bad man/woman! Well yeah they were. How were they getting in? There was a hatch in the storage closet on my balcony. That opened up to the roof. I didn’t lock the balcony door because I thought I was safe. Little did I know my predators were biding their time. That’s how they were getting into my apartment to drug anything they could so I could be raped at night without ever knowing it. Until the night I wasn’t unconscious enough. I felt someone pulling on me. I tried to run, but sometimes pimps have friends in high places & low ones too. Whatever it takes to get to you. A few dollars in the right hands. A few people working IN the system. You can do whatever you want to people. That’s how exploitation works. Learn from me! If you NEVER heed a word I say let today be the day you do.

I cried the other day. I wanted to go to the park, but I was afraid because THAT is a predatory move. You NEVER put someone through the pain you suffered. That is not the only way to learn or relate to people. All you have to do is have a heart for people in pain. If you’ve experienced pain & have been alone in your suffering you always try to make sure you’re there for people in need. That’s why I’m so helpful. I’ve always hated to see people in pain. I cried because I almost let the devil take my joy. I know that its ok for me to look at people’s outfits. I’m a clothes horse. Always have been. I just don’t like people being judged. Judge the outfit not the person. 9 times out of 10 they don’t care what you think anyway! I read people’s tshirts. That only feeds into the accusation of lesbianism & pedophilia. (Nothing wrong with being gay. It just ain’t me. If I was I shouldn’t be hated for it.) Truth is I haven’t had any in a really long time! But I can tell you I’m not attracted to women or children. I’m beginning to think I was raped so often for many purposes 1) To force an unplanned pregnancy. 2) To make me hate men, or a certain type of man. 3) To make me hate sex. Period. The list could go on, but I’ve been writing for hours already. Anyway, being unconscious has its advantages. I can tell the truth & not be a liar. Glory be to God. Understand?

If you were sick would the world shun you? Hopefully the answer is no. Let’s not repeat the horrible way we treated Ryan White & his family. Elton John stood up for him! After watching Magic Johnson on tv the other night you don’t have to give up because you get sick. He played on the first Olympic Dream Team didn’t he? Some sicknesses used to be thought of as death sentences. Cancer used to be. HIV/AIDS used to be. Not anymore. Thank God I haven’t had to suffer either of those illnesses. How would you handle that burden? How do you treat people?

I was all over the place today, but this is what was put on my heart. Gonna have fun today. That was kind of heavy. Putting fun first. Change of plans. That felt good. Writing is cathartic.

To end on a positive note. Dreams. Imagination. Have them. I’m writing from mine. They may just change the world. Thinking of science, art, religion, dreams, reality & imagination. How closely are they intertwined? I don’t know. You tell me.

Dear God: Please bless & protect those that bless & protect me. Thank you for sending them. Be a fence from those that wish to kidnap me & do me harm. Send provision. Continue to provide the strength, courage, & wisdom needed for the path I’m on. I ask for continued understanding to see things from more than my own perspective. I also ask for clarity to see things as they really are, not through my emotions. Increase my discernment. Heal the broken hearts, especially those who want to harm others, of all negative emotions & fill those spaces with Love, joy, & compassion.

Continue to provide me with the strength to move away from all harm. Protect me on my journey to abundance. Show me along the way. Show me who I can trust! Give me the strength to let go of what & who hurts & doesn’t value me. Reveal them to me. I know my promises given by you. I just need to know who is really FOR me. After all I’ve lived that is the ONE thing you’ve shown me. This is my time to break free! Thank you for Wi-Fi. Amen.

Sweater: Oopsies. Tshirt: Hanes. Scarf: Old Navy. Denim & Earrings: Express. Boots: Nine West. Bracelets: Nordstrom & Wal-Mart (at Texas Workforce Commission Alpha Rd)

Dear God: Please bless & protect those that bless & protect me. Thank you for sending them. Be a fence from those that wish to kidnap me & do me harm. Send provision. Continue to provide the strength, courage, & wisdom needed for the path I’m on. I ask for continued understanding to see things from more than my own perspective. I also ask for clarity to see things as they really are, not through my emotions. Increase my discernment. Heal the broken hearts, especially those who want to harm others, of all negative emotions & fill those spaces with Love, joy, & compassion. AMEN.

Headband: Target. Tshirt: Express. Shirt/dress: So…… Denim: Express. Flats: Old Navy. Scarf & turquoise bracelet: Wal-Mart. Earrings: World Market. Wood bangle: Kohls. Leather cuff: Nordstrom

Dear God: Please bless & protect those that bless & protect me. Thank you for sending them. Be a fence from those that wish to kidnap me & do me harm. Send provision. Continue to provide the strength, courage, & wisdom needed for the path I’m on. I ask for continued understanding to see things from more than my own perspective. I also ask for clarity to see things as they really are, not through my emotions. Increase my discernment. Heal the broken hearts, especially those who want to harm others, of all negative emotions & fill those spaces with Love, joy, & compassion. AMEN.

Cardigan: Merona. Dress: Merona. Scarf: Old Navy. Flats: Old Navy. Jewelry: Wal-Mart & Nordstrom.

Dear God: Please bless & protect those that bless & protect me. Thank you for sending them. Be a fence from those that wish to kidnap me & do me harm. Send provision. Continue to provide the strength, courage, & wisdom needed for the path I’m on. I ask for continued understanding to see things from more than my own perspective. I also ask for clarity to see things as they really are, not through my emotions. Increase my discernment. Heal the broken hearts, especially those who want to harm others, of all negative emotions & fill those spaces with Love, joy, & compassion. AMEN.

Dear God: Please bless & protect those that bless & protect me. Thank you for sending them. Be a fence from those that wish to kidnap me & do me harm. Send provision. Continue to provide the strength, courage, & wisdom needed for the path I’m on. I ask for continued understanding to see things from more than my own perspective. I also ask for clarity to see things as they really are, not through my emotions. Increase my discernment. Heal the broken hearts, especially those who want to harm others, of all negative emotions & fill those spaces with Love, joy, & compassion. AMEN.